Living out in the 'hood amongst the coyotes, snakes, frogs, etc... has made me much more aware of my surroundings. It has also made me more dependent on my friends and neighbors. The inspiration for this particular blog entry comes from my good friend and partner in craft crime, One Crazy Mama. She can make a gourmet dinner out of cream cheese and butter and can create a wardrobe from toilet paper and glitter glue. The nickname given to her by her loving neighbors is Crafty B*tch. She has websites selling jewelry she makes in her sleep and makes cookies that I think she puts acid in so you will buy more for your next kid party. Oh, and did I mention her 5 kids:(one set of twins, one in college, one in theater school an hour away, one in competition gymnastics and an ex-husband?). We will stop short of venturing into the Mother-In-Law realm for good reason.
All the 'hood girls have a nickname like I described above and some are funnier than others (no meanness intended at all) but some are downright hilarious. Take my friend Sorry B*itch. She isn't sorry in that she doesn't do her share or step up. In fact, she has her hands full with her 2 kiddos, a husband and a family-owned business as well as driving to riding therapy IN A LAND FAR, FAR AWAY for her curly-haired beautiful daughter as well as a normal rough and tough little boy who gets grounded just like all our kids do. The 'Sorry' comes from her apologizing. Leave it to her to get at least one out during whatever your story of the night is. I think next get-together we might play a game to see who we can get to coax it out of her the most - I will buy the winner a beer. NOTE: pass this on as I don't think I will be at the bday celebration on Monday night, darn it!
I personally enjoy the Nice B*itch title of another neighbor and early morning running buddy. If you knew her, you would know why. She is about as sweet as they come and my "Crafty" friend and I push the envelope by saying the mother of all cuss words every now and then in front of her just for shock value. Although, I do know that when push comes to shove at the Water Park, and you call out her kid, she will not back down so take the "Nice" part with a grain of salt.
The most fitting names are the last two I will bless you with. One has actually been renamed since she took over the Eagle Mountain Elementary Silent Auction and Bingo Chairperson role. Saying this, we possibly should have named her "Crazy" but she was already named "Gimpy" for a knee injury that caused her to limp. That has since been rectified with surgery and she has now been dubbed "Bossy". I think her husband likes it as he can legitimately get away with calling her that - sometimes and carefully.
Last and certainly not least, is my good friend and neighbor, "Most Frickin' Efficient Mom of All Time", Skinny B*itch. She now has 5 kids, God bless her husband and her new baby boy as he was born into a family of 1 mom and 4 older sisters. If he doesn't wear a Gymboree dress for Christmas I will be amazed. She weighs all of 110 lbs sopping wet, with lipstick and eyeshadow and was wearing her size 2 jeans 3 days after her 4th child was born. If I didn't like her so much I would talk trash about her, which I am totally capable of doing on a good or bad day. Be that as it may, I still wish I had her flat belly, could home-school my kids in something other than lawn maintenance and the ability to organize a tupperware drawer in 10 seconds flat.
No real drama tonight, just a few comments about my friends during this holiday season. Yes, they really are my friends and I cannot imagine surviving my crazy days without them. I have often wondered what my biological family would think if I changed my will to leave my kids to the "Hens of the Hood". I know my husband would like it and maybe, just maybe, they would have their fingernails and toenails trimmed by someone other than me.
Sleep well my sisters - Love ya!
Queen Bee
various toys and putting away some folded clothes. There in the middle of the walkway of my kitchen was a rather peculiar sight. Baby Jesus and the Pirates. Yes - I said Pirates. It appears my son and Sawyer had found a new "cast", if you will, of "mans" (as he says) to play with. No one was injured and there was no crucifixion happening, just good clean fun. They even robbed my candle holder of the candle, not sure why but they were all surrounding it. Trying to stay warm maybe? Take a look - quite amusing I must say. All were returned safely to the ship or the stable for a warm night's sleep to pillage villages (or my kitchen) another day.
