Bedtime Stories

My husband will most likely lecture me about the Fielding Family privacy act when he reads this as he has only recently discovered the joy of reliving my eventful days via my blog without actually having to have suffered in the drama of the moment. This is a somewhat intimate story but oh so funny.

A few nights ago we were in bed and he was telling me that he had been listening to a well-known marriage therapist on his truck radio that was somehow associated with the talk show Focus on The Family. For those of you who don't know, Focus on The Family is a religious based AM talk radio show that centers its message around God, all things spiritual and how to live your life and raise your family in a Godly manner. I have not listened to it but I am sure there is worthwhile material in it. I personally prefer to listed to my Ipod or even just plain ol' music in order to drown out the screaming from the backseat. Knowing that in my next life I will be the 4th Supreme, I have to get in a little practice in this life.

As my hubby was telling me about this therapist, he began by stating that he learned he was no different from any other red-blooded male by explaining to ME, of all people, that women and men are wired differently. I, the mother of an 8 year old girl who loves school and does her homework without asking and a 4 year old boy who typically wears no shoes and will stick anything into a wall outlet "TO SEE IF IT IS ON". I promise I was listening to him very intently and was absorbing all of his information while in the back of my mind thinking "Mars vs. Venus", when he said, "You know, if we were wired the same, we wouldn't be together. Since you are a multi-tasker and a planner/organizer, I can't be. I have to be different". To which I agreed. God can only imagine how our weekends would be spent or what we would eat for dinner if there was no planner in our family. We all know that 3 types of meat for dinner is not acceptable as much as popcorn is not a vegetable. Then he said "There is really just one thing that needs to be done to make a man happy". Really, I said? "Yes, only one thing he replied". To which we both answered out loud; SEX. Then he said , "As for women, you are quite difficult. There are lots of things that make you happy". To which I unexpectedly and excitedly burst out (loudly) with "SHOES"! Then it started. The silent laughter. I have not laughed so hard in quite a while; even HE was laughing out loud. You know the laughing where you cry and you can't stop or talk and then your face hurts? I loved all 30 seconds plus of it and am not embarrassed by it all. Possibly this is what prompted a quick run through DSW Shoe Warehouse. This - and a reminder from my friend that I had a $20 off coupon.

Anyway, short story long. Hen friends - I found no shoes. Men - As for what he got, I will leave that part to your imagination. Sleep well!

Yard Czar

Have you ever had one of those stupid pain-in-the-butt-I-don't-have-time-for-this things happen and there is NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF? Today is turning out to be one of those days.

All started well this beautiful Monday morning. I got up at 5 AM, went for a run with my friend, got the kids ready for school, drove an uneventful AM carpool drop-off (worth mentioning as all are not classified in this manner) and headed home to do some mowing before the rain gods begin to dance again tonight. I don't mind mowing really. Believe me, I am not one to shirk my yard duties. I would rather mow and fertilize than clean my own house. My yard stays neater longer. Seeing that my husband works hard at his job, I have taken over the yard working duties for the most part. Living on an acre, this is no small task. The estimated completion time for mowing the back 40 is one solid hour with no smoke breaks. Weed eating adds a good 30-45 minutes if you can get the stupid thing started, don't run out of gas, twine is loaded properly, you get my drift.

Let me preface this occasion by stating that our mower is not the fanciest thing on the block but it does a good job - most of the time. I am sure that Briggs & Stratton make a fine mower. Ours has just seen better days. Being 7 years old, possibly 8 (when you adopt from Ebay, they leave you to wonder exactly how old something is and don't know the conversion from human years to mower hours to dog years and back). My husband will say that most of the wear and tear caused to our mower is my doing - oh, have you seen my car? Last summer when the engine threw a rod while I was mowing, I got blamed for that too. I wish I had that kind of power. Considering my motto is "Drive it like you stole it", he may be correct in his assessment of my mowing skills. My husband also has a motto. It goes something like "You break it, you fix it". So I did.

It never seems to fail that as soon as the thought of "Whew, almost done", crosses your mind, it all goes to crap. I was on the last swipe of the drill field when I decided I was tired of mowing around the circular metal pieces that surrounds only ONE of of our many trees. I opted to pull it up and allow the grass and fireants to take over the last 12 square inches that they had not covered yet, and just mow around this tree as I do all the others. In my haste to "Git 'er done", I neglected to see the coated wire rope (even though I had already moved it twice) that we use to tie up our crazy untrained bird dog when the kids are playing outside so she won't claw you to death. As I mowed over the wire rope, believe it or not, the engine came to a grinding halt and the mower died. Imagine......

This was the moment of Holy S- - -, I-cannot-believe-I-just-did-that. Not only was I totally irked, but I could hear my father laughing in the background. You see, mowing used to be my job when I was in high school. I would mow our 3/4 of an acre on our riding mower back then too. I only needed 2 things to mow: gas and a pair of channel lock pliers. Our yard was bordered on one side and the back by woods. In the far back corner of our lot, there was not much grass growing due to the shade but there were weeds. I was expected to knock these out also, and as we all know, where there are trees, there are roots. The gas is a gimme; gotta make the mower run, right? The pliers were for unrolling the metal edge of the mower guard after I so expertly mowed over the roots. Touche' - win one for me and my mower.

The wire rope would not defeat me in this instance either. I fashion myself somewhat of an independent person, my husband travels often and we get along just fine when he is gone. Even do a little work with the drill and the Saws-All occassionally ( I have a new found appreciation for that tool!). Therefore, when the mower shut down, I went to work. It only took me 35 minutes and 3 fireant bites to remove the 16 ft. of wire rope from the mower blade and it is all still in one piece. Less a few inches of plastic coating but who needs that, right? Just less for Hazel to eat.

I think Jesus said something like "Go and be productive". So off I go. Yard mowed, load of laundry going and my kids will be home in 2.5 hours and I have not even showered yet.
Here's to Miller Time! Me - 2, Mower - 0.

Queen Bee

Dog Day Rainy Afternoon, and Day and Night....

It has been raining at my house since some time on Thursday evening. I have watched the rain create its own stream across our back 40 and am getting only a little enjoyment out of the fact that I don't have to do any yard work for the majority of this week. On the other hand, the ducks across the street at our neighborhood pond are enjoying themselves immensely. Me - not so much. This is the boring type of drizzly rain that never stops and does nothing for my motivation. Sure, I could head upstairs to the treadmill and follow that up with some bicep curls and some sit-ups but why should I when waiting for me downstairs is a tub of chocolate fudge frosting and some naked cupcakes. Chocolate sugar - calling my name. I don't really even want to spend the time to frost them, just eat the frosting. Much less hassle. Don't get me wrong, I am glad for the rain. I know our region needs it desperately and it will do wonders for my grass but enough already. We have 3 more days of this stuff to come. If I wanted to live in Seattle, I would. As for the rainy dreary days, it just makes me want to take a nap. As some members of my family are excellent at doing.

Speaking of sleeping well, don't ask me why Wyatt decided it was his day to wear the Princess sleep mask but he did. This was a photo I took of him in his bed (asleep) last night. He had been wearing it on head the whole evening while he and Cassidy made a tent, watched a movie, played secret spy lab, etc.... Then, after bath time, he picked it pack up and on it went. He didn't even take it off to follow along with his bedtime story. He only pulled up one side to make sure I was reading the right book and to assure himself I didn't need any help turning the pages. It was all I could do not to laugh. At least he is secure in his manhood.

Everyday Drama Dog - Yes, I said Dog!

In a weak moment upon the passing of a beloved canine, my husband and I decided to get another dog. Being that it was the month before Christmas (2008), we thought it would be a great gift for our kids (8 and 4 years of age). Who wouldn't want their kids to grow up with a dog of their own they had nurtured since childhood? Now my husband and I both being college educated should have maybe thought this through a little more thoroughly. He has a Masters degree so technically he should be smarter than me, right? So after weeks of research, discussions and decisions, we settled on a medium-sized dog that could not escape our wrought iron fence (make a note of this comment, will you?) and chose a German Shorthaired Pointer puppy that would become our new baby on Christmas Eve.

She was the sweetest of all puppies. She smelled like a puppy, slept like a puppy, played like a puppy, ran like a puppy, CHEWED like a puppy and PEED like a puppy. All of these things my hubby and I were aware of having owned many dogs in our two separate lifetimes but some things fade from memory, like the pains of childbirth. (Why else would you ever have more than one?)

Of course, as we all know the circle of life, puppies get older and grow into dogs. Now being that we purchased a "working" dog, we had the best of intentions to have her trained to flush out birds for our family hunting endeavors. Did this training pan out? Not so much. First, it was finding a place to send her, then it was the finances of paying for it, etc, etc... So we opted to just do obedience training. My father told me several times that if I would put my mind to it, I could do it myself. Only 30 minutes a day, he said. So off I went to the bookstore and purchased the suggested material.

I truly believe if I was a single person training my dog with no other influences, I might could have done it. However, add my husband who uses his own language to train her, my kids who just scream at her - even when she does right and you have a formula for a very confused dog. My older dog (10+ years) is not trained but does mind well when he is not sleeping. I will say that she knows a few commands but "stop" is not one of them, as it was reinforced to me earlier this week.

Yesterday evening I was working in the front yard as my kids finished dinner, waiting patiently for my hubby to arrive home. My kids finished up and headed out to find me and when they did, my daughter opened the gate to our yard only to have it slam shut and NOT latch. The next 30 seconds were in slow motion. I heard the gate slam and bounce back, then I heard Hazel's collar rattling and looked up to see her sprinting past me like she was in the 50 meter dash in the Olympics. She cleared the length of my driveway, my street and was across at the other end of the pond from my house in about 9.4 seconds. All before I could pull a 180 and scream for her to come. I was not equipped in my marathon running shoes or sports bra but took off after her anyway. There have been occasions where I caught her as she was distracted by the dozen or so ducks on the water but not in this instance. She bypassed the ducks and the next street over, only to head full-bore to the ranch on the backside of our neighborhood. Me running in 1/4" thick Reef flip-flops, black t-shirt and paint stained shorts, all the while screaming at my dog to stop made for quite a show of the newest electee to the Harbour View Homeowners Board of Directors. Nice. I made it approximately 1/8 of a mile, dripping in sweat, before I turned around and started sprinting back to the house to load the kids in the car to retrieve my animal.

We drove 3 full circles of our 'hood as we so lovingly call it, with my kids hanging out of the car yelling for our dog. I am now starting to get nervous as the rain is coming and so is dusk. I made the last circle and told the kids we were going home to get my cellphone and begin calling the neighborhood watch to be on the lookout for her when low and behold, she appeared across the street from our house at the pond. I am fairly certain from the length of her tongue, she lapped us and went back to flush out the ducks. We lured her to the driveway and back into the gate where I confirmed its closure this time.

I have no one to blame but myself I know,(and my husband who will for sure get more blame than I will). However, I would not expect a dog that gets 2 meals a day, a cushy bed that is washed and dried with a dryer sheet and the honor of sleeping in the A/C almost every night, to make a break for it. I do not enjoy watching the brown spot under her very short tail as it streaks across the acreage of my 'hood.

So to all my friends and neighbors, if you see her doing the dash again, load her up and bring her home. She is very friendly and does not bite. I will note that I am now on the hunt for a shock collar and a manual showing the proper techniques to using it. If I am successful, I may use it on my kids.

A Weekend with No Drama - Impossible!

For years I have said "I think I need to write a book", but have never gotten around to it. I read up on it but never moved forward. Too much stuff to do, too many things to research, too much money, etc... So my good friend and crafter in crime (Ms. Hafelehoff) started a family blog and got me inspired. After this weekend, the deal was sealed. A blog it is. SO MUCH DRAMA to pass along!

It all started with another innocent family weekend trip (working weekend mind you, no vacation getaway in Cisco, Texas at our Skinny 80 Ranch). My super project-oriented husband had a 21 ft. metal and wood deerbox/hunting stand to erect on our land that will attract lightning from miles away and had help offered to do so (not my me) from our good neighbor "EA". After hearing days and weeks of planning of how they would erect it with trucks, pulleys, ropes, 4 wheelers, cinder blocks, jacks and anything else they could load onto the trailer, off we went on Friday afternoon of Labor Day weekend. The kids were excited as they always are. We had plans to cook out steaks, make smore's, shoot some dove, play with glow sticks, just have a great time with not much regard to teeth brushing or bathing. We even headed out of town early on Friday after loading several rolls of our old carpet and padding onto the 25+ ft trailer we were towing behind our truck. We decided to stop for a treat at Mary's in Eastland which is known for chicken fried steak, iced tea, burgers, etc.. You get the idea. We knew we were skirting danger when we saw the rain clouds out west but really had no choice as it was going on dinner time and the kiddos were hungry.

Did I forget to mention that we took both dogs in the backseat of the truck too? Cowboy (our non-working cowdog who hates to ride in the car and has arthritis) and our new untrained bird-dog Hazel, who has decided she wants to be a lapdog at 35 lbs. with the legs of a 2nd grader, both of whom despise thunderstorms. So dinner comes and so does the thunderstorm/turd floater. With the carpet on the trailer and the windows halfway down for the dogs. Chuck makes a run to the parking lot to roll up the windows and manages to grab my weekend bag and shove it into the hunting box to keep from getting soaked. Needless to say, wet carpet and pad. No worries, right? It will dry out in the sun. Off we go to the Skinny 80.

The rain has now let up and we are about 5 miles from the Skinny 80 when we feel some sliding. We figured the rain had soaked the roads and we were just really heavy. We stop to check the trailer tires and the trailer load, all is good. We are on pavement so we trudge on. It is now approaching 7:30 PM and just getting to dusk outside when we feel the slide again (we called it floaty) and then it happened. The truck tire blew. Nothing too major, just lots of loud thumping. Ok, time to go to team mode and help do the dirty deed. Kids and dogs stay inside, I get the jack, he takes the trailer load off the truck bumper and starts to work on the lugnuts. About 10 minutes and 12 cusswords later, the lug nuts are still not loose. The guys at Discount Tire are gonna hear about this one, I can promise you. He is sweating like crazy and I am no help. We decide to truck on the last 3-4 miles to our cabin and work on it there where it is safer.

Turning down the gravel road to our cabin, the thumping is getting louder. The tread is almost completely off the tire and ruining the $200 plus rim. Now the tire tread is hitting the emergency brake cable and causing the brake pedal to jerk. Not good, further damage to be assessed later. We now decide to stop and try to change it again, 2.5 miles from the cabin on a dirt road, after dark, with no flashlight. Yes, we broke cardinal rule #1. I have junk food to feed an army and clothes to dress the African Kids Choir but no flashlight. Luckily, in my shopping frenzy on Friday, I bought the kids some fun bouncy balls with floating eyeballs in them that light up when you smack them. Oh yes we did, we used them to change the tire! Jacked it up, banged on the lug nuts until Chuck got them loose. After 30 minutes of this, we decided the colored flashing of the lights was going to send us into an epileptic seizure so I put them away. I then remembered my iPhone flashlight app. BEAUTIFUL! What a great thing! We finished it up and loaded up again. Approximately 1 hour later. We decided Wyatt had jinxed us by asking "how much longer?". No, we did not make him get out.

So we arrive at the Skinny 80, all safe and sound, less one $250 Goodyear All Terrain Radial but all in good shape. The dogs bail out to relieve themselves and we begin to unload. At 11ish, we are heading to bed and we decided to bring the dogs in to sleep on their beds so they - A)won't run off and B)won't bark at the cows/coyotes/snakes/coons/etc... all night. As Chuck heads to the door to bring them in, Cowboy comes in for the night; Hazel does not. He hears her barking and takes the flashlight (we keep at the cabin) off he goes into the darkness. He finds her looking at the ass-end of a skunk. He said he backed away quickly but not before confirming the lovely aroma in the air. Yes, she got sprayed but luckily it was not a direct hit. So the night was spent with the stinky dogs outside and remarkably bark-free.

So the weekend goes on with EA and his daughter Taylor arriving on Saturday after a non-productive dove hunt that morning. I have to say the sight of my 8 year of daughter with a loaded 410 shotgun is kind of scary and exhilarating all at once. The guys head off to erect the lightning rod monstrosity and the kids and I look for things to do inside as it is fast approaching 90 plus outside. My job this weekend was to texture the walls and the lower ceiling (which I did without much drama). The upstairs will be a different story as it is an A frame with a loft and a 25+ ft ceiling. Not on this trip though....

That evening after a day of work for the guys, we start the evening dove hunt. The kids are all excited and it is very relaxing, even with Wyatt involved. The kids love to get the birds after we shoot them (good for me as I don't). EA won with the most birds killed (6, I think) and Chuck had 2 maybe. I will blame my bad shots on my gun jamming and not ejecting every time. It's my blog, I can say what I want!
On the last shot of the evening, Wyatt headed off to the woods to find a downed bird with his dad and tripped and fell into a prickly pear. Should have known there would be an incident today. So in amongst the sweat, tears, snot and red stinging hands, we headed back to the cabin to find the duct tape to remove the stickers. Steaks and smore's were next, but Wyatt couldn't hold out for smore's. He crashed at 10 that night.

So Sunday brings a new day for drama. EA and Chuck manage to erect the lightning rod deer box. A process I was not prepared to watch. I knew when both trucks and the 4 wheeler were involved with ropes, a railroad jack and cinder blocks, AND it hung off the back of our large trailer, I needed to be standing by for the emergency room run. When one of the kids finally said "I see the box standing up in the trees", I knew it was clear to go visit. We watched them for about 15 minutes try to drive a spiral support into the ground that only went in about 10 inches then the kids and I headed back to the A/C in the cabin. The guys came in and after a cool down session and some lunch, we headed back out for some dove hunting. Nothing was flying and I mean nothing. We called it quits shortly thereafter and EA headed home.

We then started the clean-up/load-up routine. Trash, laundry, tools, etc... We also decided to move the carpet and pad into the cabin so it would not get any wetter. It was then we discovered the sour mildew smell so we started unrolling the carpet inside and putting it up on chairs to dry as well as leaving some outside on the covered porch to air out due to lack of room in the cabin. It is now almost 8 PM and Chuck, especially, is whipped. We get the kids, bags, tools, 4 wheeler, welder and other various things loaded and start to look for the 1 dog that has run off. Cowboy comes unwillingly to load up, Hazel does not. We locate her in the darkness and as I drag her through a dried cow patty next to the truck, I realize she has been rolling in what appears to be a fresh one. It is caked on her head, ears and collar. So we wipe her down with baby wipes and hand sanitizer as we are out of water and off we go. We roll the windows down for a while for the smell to dissipate and stop at Sonic to recharge with a cold drink. Over and out.

Oh my, what I would I do with my time if I did not have kids and dogs. So much fun, so much joy, so much work.... I am looking forward to a condo where animals are not welcome and we only have 1 bedroom to keep up and nothing to mow. Ya think? Maybe not.....My mower is calling now as well as the 3 sets of sheets, towels and loads of dirty camo clothes, jeans and socks. So much for the drama today....